Change of Plans, Feeling Shaken, The C.O.R.E. Counseling System & Latest Reading

My Latest Change of Plans, Recent Emotions, & What The Osho Zen Deck Celtic Cross Spread Reveals

The Osho Zen Tarot Deck is definitely my personal go-to deck when I am seeking answers.  This deck does not mince words, nor does it sugar coat the many antics of our mind.  After a chain of events or perhaps 'ah ha's' over the Memorial Day Weekend, On Sunday morning, I decided to CLOSE my new store, before it really got going.  On Monday evening, I had completely changed direction ~ probably the direction I should have gone all along.

Why did I close Nature's Art & Soul, my online store?  

Was I not being 'divinely guided' based on my rush of enthusiasm, as I envisioned my store being 'ground zero' for promoting the benefits of being connected to Nature, writing articles in the store blog?  

What was it that caused me to ACT so decisively ~ and uncharacteristically ~ and feel 'so sure' in those moments of taking action to create and build my store?

What did I do ~ or sign up for ~ that took me into an entirely different direction?  And why do I say that this is no doubt the direction I was 'meant' to take all along?

What do the cards indicate about all of this?


I closed the store on Sunday.  I did the spread on Monday morning.  What I signed up to do on Monday evening will follow.

My intention for the reading was to understand what this process was about, specifically why I started then so quickly closed this store, and the outlook for my being able to create a viable and monetized website, offering my services at a distance to help support our relocation, and my ability to 'work from home.'

Card #1 (The issue):  #8 GUILT (suit of clouds/mind)
Card #2 (What crosses the issue ~ hindering or helping): #8 LETTING GO (suit of water/emotions)
Card #3 (The Subconscious influences): CONSCIOUSNESS (Ace of clouds/mind suit)
Card #4 (The Conscious influences): II INNER VOICE
Card #5 (Old Patterns, the old way) #2 MOMENT TO MOMENT (suit of rainbows/physical)
Card #6 (New patterns, moving into the new): XI BREAKTHROUGH
Card #7 (My feelings & attitudes about the situation): XIV INTEGRATION
Card #8 (What I am attracting from the outside): VI LOVERS
Card #9 (My desires/denials): #4 TUNING IN (blue suit of water/emotions)
Card #10 (Outcome/the key): #8 TRAVELING (red suit of fire/action)

At a glance, numerologically speaking, THREE of the minor arcana cards are #8!  My birthday (month, day, year) add up to 26, and 2+6=8.  8 is about achieving Power & Abundance.  The other minor arcana cards were 2 or 4.  2x4=8!

Secondly, A LOT OF MAJOR ARCANA CARDS!  This to me indicates some big changes afoot.

Without going into great detail about what the guide book says about each card, this reading was SPOT ON!  However, what is said in the guidebook is OH SO ZEN.  So worth reading EVERY TIME, even though I also intuit on my own what the cards mean for me, or another when doing readings.

My insights:  

I am again wanting to remind others that I am sharing this journey as I believe I am but a hologram or reflection of what we all go through, especially with respect to the shenanigans of our mind.  

To free ourselves from our own mental enslavement, we have to be willing to see how we enslave ourselves!  And we need effective tools.

We all have many parts.  These parts get triggered when trying to 'ask for more' or improve our lives. This is the crux of the Holistic C.O.R.E. Counseling approach that I use all the time, for myself and clients.  

We have to become CONSCIOUS of our triggers, then OWN that when we are triggered, it is reflecting something within our own selves, (versus the other/external event) that still requires attention/resolution/release/healing/forgiveness.  

When we do this, we can connect to those unhealed aspects of ourselves, frozen in time with their limiting belief systems about who they are, and their world view.

Then, we can RETRIEVE what was taken/lost as a result of past traumas, issues, neglects (or RELEASE what we've been carrying around of the anger/beliefs/issues of others) then ENGAGE (or re-integrate) our now uplifted parts back into our higher/unified SELF.

Quite simply, it is a MAP for helping ourselves to grow up, and become sovereign ~ free from the trapped emotions and negative/limiting mindsets that cause us to REGRESS & REACT, vs. RESPOND.

This process is very effective ~ the only tools I have found to be so wholly appropriate and encompassing in scope.  I'll write more about this, but you can read more from my website, here.

The caveat to the following explanation/insights is that we all have a greater/higher more resourceful and wise aspect to Who We Really Are, but ~ unbeknownst to us ~ we more often operate from a less resourceful or wounded aspect of who we are.  

We can learn to identify our triggers as a 'part' and not the 'whole' of who we are.  These parts have their own consciousness, and exist, sort of frozen in their own space/time.  Typically, we cultivate erroneous beliefs about ourselves and our perceptions of 'the world' based on the themes/patterns life appears to be presenting us (and we therefore see it as 'real' or indisputable.)

This is less about what the common sense or neutral witness/adult part 'knows' and  more about allowing the part(s) to reveal to you hidden beliefs, and ways in which we are sub/unconsciously sabotaging our forward movement and evolution.  Key though is to be aware enough to know when we have handed the key to the car over to the parts, and are no longer in the drivers seat.  We have unwittingly gone into a 'trance' and flipped into a regressed, reactionary/trigger mode. 

Whew, now that that is hopefully more clear (and you found it at least slightly interesting) I'll share my process.  

Perhaps this will help others to go within, and learn how to reclaim their own lost power, uplifting their stuck parts,  to become  the sovereign and 'Soul' driver of their own vehicles!  Remember, "we only evolve as much as our least evolved parts!" ~ Dr. Martin Hart, creator of the Holistic C.O.R.E. Counseling/Education system.

Enough.  Back to the reading.

The issue and what is crossing the issue.  GUILT/LETTING GO

Yes, I was feeling a lot of guilt over this decision.  First off, I absolutely cherish our time that we spend at Echo Coffee on Saturday mornings.  We get up, quickly shower and dress, and walk there during the most peaceful, cool, and beautiful time of the morning.  They open at 6:00 am.

We have our big full fat, half and half lattes, and get a lot done.  Usually.  This past Saturday, during the Memorial Weekend, a time with an extra day off, and therefor a time when my mind was set on REALLY getting a lot done, I left feeling a bit like I wasted my time.  

We can't take back what was already 'spent.'

Although I was 'busy' researching how to market my store, creating logos, etc., I didn't accomplish writing a blog post, or more importantly, a website page.  I didn't edit my website, which really needs it.  So, in that regard, I felt like I didn't accomplish much, although sometimes we have to do 'research' which takes time and can feel unproductive.

I proceeded to spend the rest of Saturday ~ typically a day when I feel the most creative and productive ~ attempting to set up social media and prepare to advertise for the store.  My keyword searches at Echo netted me a big zero towards leads for a strategy.  Setting up all the social media correctly was tolerable, but all told, I was getting more and more anxious doing all of this.

I ended my day not feeling very pleased.  A thought passed through my mind. Don's question helped me to voice it.  Then it hit me.  

He said, "How would you feel the rest of the weekend if you did NOT have to work on the store, and instead, I could be free to work on your website or other things?"

I knew immediately.



Why would I start yet a new project, that primarily involves the one thing I most (pardon my language) suck at and despise doing?  I find marketing to be so manipulative, albeit necessary according to how we live in this 'civilized' money-driven world.  It's not part of my operating system.  I resent how much marketing has been used to mold people's minds, and sell useless goods.  

And here I was trying to start an online store requiring all my time being spent online, marketing and relying on social media.  To sell people more stuff.

I do not want to HAVE TO be a slave to social media.  I'm okay participating when I'm in the mood, but not out of obligation.  

I'd rather be on my piece of land, gardening, training, meditating, or feeding animals.  WTF was I thinking?

Choosing products to sell was fun enough.  But the rest is just not my forte.

I enjoy creating my blogs, my website and YouTube channel.  Putting up quick pics on Instagram can be engaging.  It's the  'HAVING TO' that clashes with my quest for FREEDOM ~ for me. 

This caused me to ponder, what was that electric feeling I had that spurned me to act so decisively and jump into this store?

I felt a sense of guilt for having diverted from what would have been a better use of my time and planning for my big picture goals.

I felt a bit of guilt for bypassing my own values and true nature ~ I love being in Nature WAY MORE than using technology.  And I am an introvert.  I'm just not a fan of the idle superficial dribble that Facebook represents to me.  The groups are great.  But from a big picture perspective, it all seems like a massive time-sucking distraction.

Why would I have this seeming area of self-sabotage come up now?  I was really feeling momentum of a flow expanding in my life.

Now I felt shaken.

Could I no longer trust my primary operating system?  It took me my lifetime thus far to re-calibrate it!

A primary tenet of the C.O.R.E. systems says:  We don't always get what we 'want' (or think we want), but we always get what we need.

The reading helped me name my ill ease over this.  And, it gave me permission to just let it go!

I know nothing is for naught, despite my parts that begrudged having 'wasted' my time.  But this reading, and a little writing/reflecting through the rest of the weekend helped me uncover some beliefs that I AM SO READY TO RE-WIRE AND RELEASE, such as:

  • Life is a struggle
  • We must work hard to earn _____ (money, love, God's love, etc.)
  • It is dangerous to be passionate about something ~ I face potential persecution (my dad going ballistic when sharing my interest/excitement about a topic I was reading about, and many other times when my interests were quickly poo-pooed)
  • If it is dangerous to feel passionate about something, and my feelings are part of my operating system, then my operating system must be flawed
  • If my operating system is flawed, then I need to somehow squelch my feelings related to my passion
  • I know, I can encase my feelings into an iceberg and submerge them deep into the recesses of my mind (Remember the Earth Magic Card spread last week with SUBMERGE/ICEBERG as the primary issue?  See how this all ties together???

As per the reading:

Step one:  Let Go!

Let go of my mind's perceptions of having wasted my time.

Let go of my self doubts.

Let go of the store!

Let go of all those above FALSE BELIEFS BORN OF YESTER YEAR!

The rest of the reading fully supported this.

The subconscious influences being CONSCIOUSNESS was quite interesting.  As per the Osho Zen guidebook, The Buddha pictured is: expansive he has gone even beyond the stars, and above his head is pure emptiness.  He represents the consciousness that is available to all who become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be.
When you choose this card, it means that there is a crystal clarity available right now, detached, rooted in the deep stillness that lies at the core of your being.  There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind - the understanding you have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself.  Accept this as a great gift, and share it.

Sounds like the C.O.R.E. Counseling principles!

The conscious influences, INNER VOICE:

The inner Voice speaks not in words but in the wordless language of the heart.  It is like any oracle who only speaks the truth....

There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that.  Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within.  Only then are we able to hear our truth.

Card #5 Old Patterns:  MOMENT TO MOMENT

Actually, I love this card.  The fact that it is in the 'past/old patterns' position indicates to me that I had achieved the ability to live more in the present moment.  As described in the guidebook:

This card challenges us to move away from our preoccupations with other spaces and other times, and stay alert to what is happening in the here and now.  Life is a great ocean in which you can play if you drop all your judgments, your preferences, and the attachment to the details of your long-term plans.  Be available to what comes your way, as it comes.  And don't worry if you stumble or fall; just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, having a good laugh, and carry on.

I certainly had to drop a lot of preconceptions about what is healthy to turn away from what I now believe to be a very unnatural vegan diet.  More recently, I had to recognize that this notion  that an online store would help me realize personal freedom, when I prefer to live more simply and minimally, rather than promote consumerism, was clearly flawed.

Card #6, New Patterns/What is coming in or  near future:  BREAKTHROUGH:

The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength.  The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination.  All of us occasionally reach a point where 'enough is enough'.  At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us.  If we don't they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. 
Perhaps my 'something/anything was the store?
If you are now feeling that 'enough is enough', allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing.  In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.

After some contemplation, I could now see how creating the store (and getting frustrated, or reaching my 'enough is enough' limit) was precisely how my higher Self helped set me up for this major breakthrough!  My higher Self knew that this would end my attachment to 'struggle' as an M.O.

Card #7, How I perceive the situation/myself in the situation:  XIV - INTEGRATION:

I'll just share a bit about the symbolism:  The eagle and swan are "both beings of flight and majesty." The eagle embodies "power and aloneness."  The swan embodies "space and purity", swimming with ease on the waters of our emotions.
We are the union of the eagle and swan:  male and female, fire and water, life and death.  The card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life, and mystical union; otherwise known as alchemy.
I have definitely been on a mission to integrate my values, gifts,  and greatest desires into a purpose-filled, meaningful life.

Card #8 - What I am attracting from the outside:  VI THE LOVERS

I must note that I've used this deck for years.  The Lovers card rarely emerged, whether for myself or others.  However, in the last several years, I have pulled it for personal spreads more often.

Here is what the Zen book has to say about the significance of this major arcana card.

What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky.  At the most earthly level, love is sexual attraction.  Many of us remain stuck there, because our conditioning has burdened our sexuality with all kinds of expectations and repressions.

He goes on to say that the main problem is that sexual love never lasts.  Perhaps this is true for many. I think he means the initial attraction stage that brings people together.  The ongoing intimacy requires both partners to be intimate, to act lovingly, to create time, and to realize the profound importance of maintaining a healthy connection on every level ~ sexual to spiritual.  These are not separate to me.

He continues to discuss how as we mature, we can experience a higher love, one that "honors the unique individuality of the other."

We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.  This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need.  Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
I certainly always loved pulling The Lovers card!  In what manner am I attracting this from the outside?  Am I being a mirror for others to see these aspects within their own selves?  A magnet for self-reflection?

Perhaps when we are in our Divine alignment, we become a beacon of light.  The love within radiates out, unfettered by the heaviness of our unexplored, unresolved parts.  This is the healing and the blessing of grace we receive when we do the inner work.

The last two cards, card #9 - my desires/denials (TUNING IN), and card #10 (TRAVELING) are straight forward enough.  

It is through tuning in, or meditating that we can connect with our 'neutral witness' and simply observe, dispassionately, the antics of the mind without letting ourselves get emotionally hooked into our many fleeting thoughts.

To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings.  It is what meditation is all about really - not chanting a mantra, or repeating an affirmation, but just watching, as if the mind belongs to somebody else.  You are ready to take this distance now, and to watch the show without getting caught up in the drama.  Indulge yourself in the simple freedom of Turning In whenever you can, and the knack of meditation will grown and deepen in you.

Card #10, the Outcome card - TRAVELING to me represented that yes, as a result of this recent experience, and the subsequent breakthrough, the result will be the move.  I had the sense that all will fall into place.  This all helped me to finally break free of some residual beliefs from my old way of operating through struggle, or having to work hard to earn money, love, appreciation, whatever.

I learned that I would freeze my feelings to help me cope.  Since I received such a shocking response to my trying to share my feelings of inspiration at a young age,  and had essentially been talked out of most of the rest of my potential courses of study, I must have developed a protection mechanism that would go something like this:  "If sharing what I love, or am passionate about, could bring such harsh criticism or persecution, then I (enter some hero part) better put the FREEZE on any feelings that arise that resemble feeling inspired, to protect the rest of me from that potential pain/persecution.

I tended to engage in pursuits that required too much focus on my weaknesses, too little emphasis on letting my gifts/strengths really shine.  We really need to get ourselves aligned to shine!

That's one big ah ha to me.

Interestingly, as we reclaim what we lost ~ my passion/feelings that indicate to me that there is something good and exciting here worth considering ~ and trace our issues back to the root, it's like they unravel from our existence.  They unravel from our subconscious or cellular memories as if they just vanish.  We know we had this issue, but the emotional charge or association so disintegrates, it's as if it were only a dream that fades with the waking light.

Suddenly, we reflect back, and things don't seem so rough or bad.  It just became blown out of proportion in the minds of those parts that froze the 'trauma/challenge/neglect' in its own space time reality.  It was stuck on a 'story.' That aspect of us gets stunted in its growth.  Our present day adult needs to go back to engage with these younger aspects, and help them merge and re-integrate within us.

So what did I sign up for instead?  What was it that I had a deep resonance with all along?  STAY TUNED!  That will be next!

Intereste in this deck?  Please consider making your purchase through my link.  I receive a very small commission, but every little bit helps.  Thank you! 

Are you enjoying these readings?



Read more here, or leave a message below.  I'm considering offering ~on a limited basis ~ readings for those interested on a by donation.  Leave a comment below if interested or visit my website to learn more.

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