Thursday, January 30, 2020

Children NEED Their Fathers, And We NEED To Forgive Them!

Forgiving Our Parents - Part 1: What's Missing? 

The Impact of Fatherless Homes on Children


In my previous post, I started to explain the process of forgiveness. Forgiveness frees us from the emotional baggage and attachments that will otherwise keep us bound to whomever may have ~ wittingly or unwittingly ~ caused us harm.

Many otherwise well intended mothers and fathers may be unwittingly creating unfavorable conditions for raising children, preventing them from evolving into emotionally stable, healthy, successful adults.

Over the years of being a Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic CORE Counselor, I have listened to many clients recount stories from their upbringing that were ~ if as reported ~ way less than ideal, and in some cases, the stories of abuse were quite shocking.

While it may be easy to point out wrongdoing among parents who are abusive, there are many other ways children are getting off to a rough start. I will continue to discuss this in an ongoing series, which will tie back to the theme of forgiveness.  I will also share my recent experience of forgiving my mother while spending the month there helping her out in an upcoming post.

I share a video of my experience with forgiving my father, below.

Photo by Josh Willink from Pexels





Many young men and women, including myself, may lay blame for their perceived shortcomings on what the father did, or did not do. Unfortunately, many children are being raised without biological father present in their lives.

Whether through their own fault, or because of divorce initiated by their spouse, or an increase in same-sex households, fatherless homes negatively impacts children.  I will highlight why in this article, and look at some more statistics of same-sex households in the next post.


According to the U.S. Census Bureau report, Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2013, by Timothy Grall:


  • An estimated 13.4 million parents lived with 22.1 million children under 21 years of age while the other parent(s) lived somewhere else.
  • One of every six custodial parents (17.5 percent) were fathers.
  • More than one-quarter (26.6 percent) of all children under 21 years of age lived in families with only one of their parents while the other parent lived elsewhere. About half (48.1 percent) of all Black children lived in custodial-parent families.
  • The proportion of custodial mothers with income below poverty (31.2 percent) was higher than that of custodial fathers (17.4 percent), with child support income accounting for over two-thirds (70.3 percent) of the mean annual personal income for custodial parents below poverty who received full child support, which is a larger percentage of women.

Over 22 million children under 21 lived with only one parent; five out of six times it was with the mother.

My mom asked for a divorce from my father when I was about 11 or 12. He was devastated, and spoke of it through the rest of his life.  Despite the relationship often being strained between he and I, I fully understand how challenging it can be for boys and girls to grow up without a father actively participating in their lives. The statistics below indicate that indeed, children raised in fatherless homes suffer in many ways.

The National Fatherhood Initiative shows how father absence harms children in the graph below: 


Considering all the ills of our society, it seems logical that more emphasis be placed on encouraging young men and women looking to get married to understand the importance of being actively present for their children, while maintaining a healthy relationship with each other. Divorce is a drag for kids.

In the article, Father Absence, Father Deficit, Father Hunger, The vital importance of paternal presence in children's lives, published in Psychology Today, author Edward Kruk Ph.D. writes,

Whereas parents in general are not supported as parents by our social institutions, divorced fathers in particular are often devalued, disparaged, and forcefully disengaged from their children's lives. Researchers have found that for children, the results are nothing short of disastrous..
In other words, this is NOT just about 'dead beat dads.'

Here  is a summary of the ways children are impacted when raised without a father. Children of fatherless homes, or homes where the fathers are not involved in their lives experience:

  • Greater emotional struggles and feelings of inferiority and self-loathing
  • Feelings of abandonment
  • Social behavioral problems
  • Poor academic performance and greater truancy from school
  • Increased sexual health issues and greater promiscuity, having sex at younger ages
  • Increased rates of obesity and mortality
  • Higher likelihood of ending up homeless; less likely to be less successful
  • More likely to have unhealthy relationships as adults, with greater likelihood of having children out of wedlock, and getting divorce
  • Preschoolers not living with both biological parents are 40 times more likely to be sexually abused
So fatherless homes begets fatherless homes. Children are more likely to repeat the same mistakes. They are like putty, easily molded into replicas of us.

Jesse Lee Peterson says we become like that which we hate. This means that if many kids have anger towards their father for not being around, that anger and resentment will stay with them into adulthood, until they forgive their father.

Likewise, if a child grows up with anger or resentment towards his or her mother, they will become like what they hate. I'll address this issue more in an upcoming post ~ or listen to what Jesse has to say!

You can watch weekly live streams, or listen to his playlists, especially Go And Forgive Your Mother, and Return to the Father on his Jesse Lee Peterson YouTube channel, or find him at rebuildingtheman.com.  Many may reject what he says, however, the more I have listened, the more it made sense.  I suggest listening with a neutral mind. Just listen to several, if you feel so inclined. It's a process.  I share his Silent Prayer on YouTube in my post, Be Still And Know ~ Thoughts Are Lies

Below is the video I recorded last summer, sharing my own amazing, supernatural experience while praying to better know what God meant to me, personally. This process helping me spontaneously release any residual shame and regret while feeling immersed in the most en-lightening (as in I felt tons lighter) and intimate Father-daughter experience I had ever had.




During the particular experience I discuss in this video, I had an amazing peace cover over me. I felt a huge weight lift, and instantly felt nothing but love for my biological father. Nothing I may have once believed he may have done mattered any more. I just felt nothing but love. I only regret not being able to share that with him in person, as he passed about 20 years ago.

That is the reason we forgive. To return to our Father, to know peace, and to express His Love.

I am now very grateful for all that  I inherited from my father. His English/Celtic ancestry, his introverted, curious, studious nature, and his love of learning and writing.




While sorting through homemade cards I had created for my mom as a kid I realized that I also inherited his penchant for being a corny geek as well! Now as I write I'll know when the Spirit of my father takes over!

I think I even have his nose and chin!

My 20-something birthday

Go and forgive your father! He probably did all he could, given his own circumstances. More to come, next post.

#jesseleepeterson #father #forgiveness #fatherlesshomes #raisingchildren

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