Recalibrating After Our Big Move, Emotional Challenges & Wednesday Mother-Daughter Day
Wednesday has officially become mother-daughter day ~ at least for my mom and myself. She looks forward to getting out of her home, and spending time together. During a recent Wednesday, we enjoyed a leisurely latte on a nice patio at one of the area coffee houses. Her comprehension is limited, her short term memory eerily diminished, yet despite it all, we enjoy a nice groove together talking and laughing, sometimes discussing more serious matters, but only briefly.
It's been three years since we first gave our dream to move and buy a piece of land more serious consideration.
This June marked one year since moving my mom out of her condo of twenty years into an entirely new living situation, in a different state. Just over one year since we left Scottsdale, AZ. And what a year it has been!
Prior to closing up my mom's condo, we closed up shop in Arizona ~ our apartment and acupuncture practice ~ and moved across country. We moved all our belongings first into storage, than into our current home. Then we unloaded quite a bit of the 'stuff' we bothered to pack and haul across the country, laughing at our folly of dragging around all that stuff!
As soon as we were settled, and mom moved into her new residence, we lost Don's mother. Shortly after, Don's father needed caretaking help at their home, prior to ending up back in the hospital, then nursing rehab, followed by hospice.
We said goodbye to both of Don's parents within a half year of our arrival. Then we had more stuff to process!
Others passed away in that same time period, including my uncle who attended our wedding, a girlfriend I've known since second grade, our sweet downstairs neighbor in Scottsdale, and a few others. A pretty unusual year to say the least.
|A beautiful sunset outside of John's room, one of his final days alive|
While busy decluttering, packing, moving, and caretaking, my life had a purpose. When everything finally settled, I felt like my life came to a halt.
We developed new routines, yet it finally hit me. A sort of empty nest syndrome. All that I had been plugged into, all the clients I had come to regard as friends that I looked forward to seeing at our clinic, and all my personal book, blog and writing and video projects were put on the back burner. Now, a year later, I often find my mind either going totally blank, or totally schizoid, feeling overwhelmed as I contemplate all I had thought I wanted to write, read and work on, not clear where to start. And what of what I thought I wanted to write is even still relevant!
I tinkered with gardening, which is very grounding. Owning a home also means doing repairs and improvements. These physical activities helps my mind remain calm and focused.
I attempted to return to 'normal' only I'm clueless about what normal is for me now! And that's on a personal level. Don't even get me started on the 'new normal' socially engineered changes taking place world wide, not to mention within our country.
As a still newly born again Christian, I was finding myself feeling a bit awkward discussing the Bible or sharing what I've been learning and experiencing. I had plenty of conflicts in my past when others tried to convince me about the Bible being legit, and Jesus being real, and the need to be born again. I rejected it and became defensive, believing I was spiritual, and religion was a means of controlling the masses. I didn't fancy myself as an evangelist, attempting to break through those walls that I myself once had erected. My heart craved sharing, yet I hold back if it doesn't feel safe to share.
Essentially, life had changed in a big way. I've felt very blessed in many ways, and yet I found myself experiencing an unexpected confusion about who I was, what I desired and what God's purpose was for me moving forward.
Simultaneous to this unexpected soul searching episode, I recently learned about something called dysregulation, and complex (or childhood) post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD.) I was unfamiliar with the terminology, however, once I learned more, I knew immediately that the shoe fit. The package of potential symptoms that can result in a dysregulated state, the triggers into that state all matched my own. I had no idea I had such a mental disorder. What a wake up call!
Until learning about it, I was beside myself trying to understand, not to mention explain to another, what I was experiencing. Now, that I had an explanation, I needed to learn how to either better manage and/or ideally, overcome conditions that had been incubating since I was young.
Time to really put 'take all thoughts captive' into serious practice!
Despite many fun and great things happening since our move, this was an emotionally challenging summer. I was struggling to crawl my way back out of the deep vortex I seemed to have slipped into. I had many nights of poor sleep, and my low energy was dragging me down. My drive and motivation were in the tank. I felt utterly stagnant, and blah.
Thankfully, through prayer, and focusing on God's word, reading several books, and taking an online course, along with a particularly helpful conversation with my husband Wednesday morning, I felt a huge block within me break free. Whatever was clogging up the flow of energy within me released. My mental fatigue and blah feeling finally dissipated. At least in that moment!
Later, after mom and I finished our leisurely lattes, we took a walk through a forest along the Maumee River. I spontaneously began to jump and dance, and yelp a bit, as I savored my recent victory. My natural, joyful self returned, at least in that moment. It was hard won.
|Towpath Trail at Sidecut Park in Maumee, Ohio|
It's because of my reading God's word that I can rewire the faulty thinking in my brain. I owe all break-throughs to God! I've prayed for help, read his word, and applied the advice of several books and sources, which I will link to below.
The reason why am I bringing this up is this:
I feel strongly that this is an important topic to be sharing.
Perhaps God is calling me to be a resource for helping others. I've met many women, especially between the ages of roughly 30-60 that are battling high levels of anxiety, depression, overwhelm, insecurities, negative thinking habits, and other emotional challenges.
There is hope in God's word. I hope to help others who came from secular or new age backgrounds ~ or those who walked away from Christianity because of being misguided by what is commonly taught in many churches ~ discover how awesome God's love for us is. I believe a lot of our health issues are rooted in disconnect from our Heavenly Father. I have walked away from atheism, new age-ism (including channeling, giving and receiving readings and energy healing), Buddhism, left-ism, and all that I once aligned with and/or believed fervently to be more enlightened or spiritual, and have found my home in Christ, praise God!
What a glorious Wednesday mother-daughter day celebrating life, love and freedom with my mom, in God's sanctuary!
More about all this to come.
I encourage any reader who would like to learn more to stay tuned. Better yet, let me know by leaving a comment below! I'd love to hear from you!
Here are some books I've picked up recently, and so far have found very helpful.
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