Liberating! The Saving Grace Of God's Word (& Praying The Rosary) For HSPs, Dysregulation & Emotional Challenges
In previous posts, I discussed using God's Word to help overcome some life long hypersensitivity issues ~ the result of a life lived in which I often felt thrown sideways. At times, I felt as if my light nearly went out, or as if I was continually operating at half juice. Off and on bouts with fatigue intermingled with the up and down emotions, feeling great and connected to all that is one moment, yet filled with remorse and regrets another. I learned about dysregulation and CPTSD ~ labels which fit to a 'T' despite my abhorring being labeled. I determined to overcome my conditioned reactions and negative responses to triggers, challenging as that may be, as they are a dysfunctional near-wiring groove that takes time setting new patterns to rewire. My driving motivation my entire life was freedom ~ especially from these challenging, seemingly out of control emotional states. I also desired to get out of my (mental) shell, and live more fearlessly.
My chosen therapy? Using God's Word.
I've also been praying the Rosary every morning with Don for around one month, give or take. That has turned out to be an unexpected, yet welcoming addition to our daily life routine.
Thus far, I'm quite happy to report that it's working. All of it. Quite well in fact!
I wrote a poem that I recited as often as needed, especially earlier on, while emotional sensitivities were still nagging me. Even recalling and repeating just a couple of the versus when doubt-filled thoughts arose made all the difference. Mentally reciting God's Words is a proactive solution to dealing with the accuser within our minds ~ something I've come to call the Satanic Operating System, or SOS.
Becoming aware of how my nervous system and mind can get dysregulated and interrupt rationality and functionality was a bit ego deflating to learn, yet a necessary and liberating step towards greater self-awareness. Now that I understand that certain situations can trigger my feeling dysregulated, I can more quickly catch when it's happening, and focus my efforts on managing it and moving back to 'normalcy.'
Now when that feeling of dysregulation kicks in ~ a change I am aware of physiologically and mentally ~ I take note of it ~ saying, "I'm getting dysregulated" aloud or to myself. At that point, I can check the richter scale to determine severity, and begin to mentally recite my poem, one of the scriptures each verse of my poem correlates to, or I start repeating Hail Mary's.
In essence, I'm trying to short circuit the (dysfunctional) short circuit.
It may be awkward to describe what goes on, but anyone who experiences this issue will know what I'm talking about. It's a real mental/physiological change happening ~ similar to fight, flight or freeze when in panic mode or during a phobic attack, such as a fear of heights or flying. It ranges from mild loss of present focus, to excruciatingly uncomfortable. It feels like an uncontrollable loss of power or ability to function normally. This in turn challenges my sense of security and safety ~ unsure of being able to respond appropriately when needed, especially in an emergency situation.
Mind you, I do understand that I/we are bigger than these emotional parts ~ something I discuss in my article about Holistic C.O.R.E. Counseling.
As one small example, if I am out with my mom who has pretty severe short term memory loss, I can sometimes feel the dysregulation kicking in, especially when too much stimulation is happening. It could be a result of too many questions or repetitions while I'm driving on a busy highway, and/or trying to concentrate on making sure I'm going the right way.
Someone who is easily overstimulated or overwhelmed is similar to what Dr. Elane Aron refers to as a highly sensitive person (HSP).
HSPs can get easily over stimulated, especially during certain circumstances, such as when in big crowds, or under bright lights, while being watched, multitasking, or any number of other situations. (You can take a self-test to determine if you may be an HSP, here.)
Whatever the 'label,' having lived with old wounds of feeling dismissed, or not valued, has certainly been a drag, or rather a heavy weight that I've attempted to resolve or overcome for decades.
To transcend these old self doubts and insecurities is phenomenally liberating ~ a restoration of the years the locusts had eaten!
In hindsight, there is absolutely no doubt that many if not all of my earlier life issues were a direct or indirect result of lacking a foundation built upon the Rock of God. I was operating under an inferior operating system (SOS) built on sinking sand, hence why all the other paths I followed were crooked, and didn't bear much fruit.
Little did I realize, but I was on a quest to align with my Divine Operating System, or DOS, my entire life. I just never saw it that way prior. You know, hindsight is 2020, and that's a relief, pun intended! (As in, happy to see 2020 in the rear view mirror in little more than a week from now!)
Yes, there were many circumstances that built upon one another, leading me to these feelings of inferiority or not being valued. I think Don is the only other person who has been a witness to my sharing all that I endured, the early life family challenges and fighting, being robbed ~ more than once, a traumatic attack at knife point by someone who also used a scarf to strangle me, and endless regrets and losses from my teenage years on. My highly wired nervous system never felt completely at safe or at ease.
I did not know the extent for which I lacked true peace, and lived in fear, until my prayer to have whatever was hidden that still needed healing be revealed.
At this point, it's all just my old story, only differing from anyone else's story in the characters and details. It no longer needs rehashing, except for how it can be of value to others.
If my path to freedom from the debilitating negative thoughts that plague so many of us inspires hope in another, it's all worth it.
If my leap from an inferior operating system ~ the SOS which is the default operating system of the world ~ inspires others to awaken to/align with their own DOS, then my willingness to be transparent and vulnerable will have not been for naught.
The crescendo to my having had enough of dragging around my past peaked before our big leap of faith, and epic cross country move. The weight began to lift immediately after a period of time focused on praying to know God the Father ~ and His Son ~ directly, followed by a spontaneous urge to 'repent.' That took the form of journaling every single thing that came to mind for which I felt regret or remorse. You might call it my falling to my knees moment of surrender.
As I shared my internal prompting to repent, pray, and read the Bible with our neighbor, she was over joyed. She prayed over me, asking if I take Jesus to be my Lord and savior, or something like that, for which my heart screamed out YES and my mouth responded in kind, all while my mind froze in a state of bewilderment. (May sweet Lois RIP, as she along with several loved ones passed away in 2020.)
My head had been filled with arguments against religion, especially Christianity. After years of following New Age teachings, I accepted certain beliefs about the world, about God, and the nature of reality.
Like the vegan diet, all that I once knew and believed true was no longer sustaining me. My old beliefs were fighting to maintain their control over me, yet they inadvertently crumbled into dust, just like a house built on sinking sand. I had the split conscious awareness of the old passing, while the new was barely beginning to take shape.
That's what being 'born anew' is like. We get baptized (in part) to 'cleanse' ourselves of our old, sinful nature by dying to our old self. We surrender our will over to God's will. Any behavior that takes us away from our DOS can be likened to a 'sin.'
Allowing God's will to guide us shifts us from the SOS ~ the inferior default operating system of the world, to our DOS.
Our stony heart is replaced with a heart of flesh.
Our obstinate mind, our arrogance, our willfulness, our belief in our human superiority and ability to 'figure things out on our own' is all fleshed out, or 'made straight' as we learn to be obedient to the Only One who deserves our allegiance ~ God Almighty, Creator of ALL Life, and Father to us all.
More veils and weight lifted after forgiving my mom, and many others.
And as my mind was being renewed, the old, sticky stubborn stuff surfaced for a final sweep through. (Well, perhaps it isn't the final final, but it sure feels like all those chapters have finally closed!)
Using God's Word as a reminder that God created me, and loves me, helped me finally accept my self for who I am. I certainly had several months of battles being waged in my mind. Shame, regret and remorse ~ and the pain of feeling dismissed and not valued ~ are heavy emotions to process. But process them I did. I felt them until the sting of it washed through me, completing its cycle as surely as the river merges with the ocean. I think feeling those difficult feelings allows them to flow, like water, back to their source.
Repeating the Rosary each morning has been incredibly cleansing as well!
I also realized that to judge myself was actually a form of arrogance ~ as if I know better than God!
Does this mean I no longer get dysregulated?
Oh heck no!
It means I better understand ~ and accept ~ the varied challenges and nuances of my highly wired nervous system, and all the old conditioning of negative and false beliefs.
As I said in the beginning. God's Word was my choice of therapy. And God's Word ~ literally and figuratively ~ saved me!
Praise be to God and His Son, Jesus ~ the Word made flesh!
Now that I've had a chance to catch up just a bit, I can't wait to share moments from a magnificent week, along with some new treasures found along this path to the straight gate ~ the Strong Spirit Path to God, lasting peace, and eternal life! Hint, the pictures tell the story! CORRECTION: I ALREADY DID! Enjoy that post, here.
|Rosary Cathedral, Toledo, OH|